


My Secret Is Hidden Within Me

by gloriouswhisperstyphoon



Series: the serpent hidden in the poison garden [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: F/M, Mission Impossible Fusion, Rebelcaptain if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 04:00:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15987191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gloriouswhisperstyphoon/pseuds/gloriouswhisperstyphoon
Summary: "It's all ending, Cassian. We have three options now. You stay here and keep going, or you go back to your bosses and they order you to stay here.""And the third?""Run away with me. leave it all behind."Or: The thoughts and hopes of a disavowed spy trying to come in from the cold.





	My Secret Is Hidden Within Me

The brisk London air washed over Jyn Erso’s face and she resisted the urge to either shiver or pull her coat over her chest to stop the cold burrowing into her bones. 

Her heels clicked quickly over the Embankment, the Houses of Parliament standing tall and proud just beyond the River, as her eyes scanned the crowd.

Where was he?

There, he was. 

So incongruous, he was, sitting on the bench with a newspaper on his lap, his shoulders hunched over as he coughed hard, a handkerchief pressed to his mouth. 

Jyn forced herself to keep walking towards him, the drive a lead weight in her pocket, her hand clutching it tightly. 

_ Stay calm, Jyn. It’s almost over. _

She threw the drive onto the newspaper, looking directly into Saw’s eyes, before sitting down.

“It’s a ledger. The Empire’s entire infrastructure. Who they are, who their politicians are and where their money comes from. It’s everything you want to know.”

Saw took a shaky breath to her right before pulling a little pillbox from his pocket and taking one, looking sicker than he ever had before she’d been sent on this wild snipe hunt. There was a paranoid light in his eyes that she’d never noticed before.

She forced herself to sit straight and not draw back.

_ Please God, let this end soon. _

“What makes you think this is real and not another lie?” he asked, his voice a paranoid whisper. 

Jyn shrank back from his rage. “Why wouldn’t Krennic be wanting it so much if it wasn’t real, Saw?”

“Would he have told you if it wasn’t? Did you ever think that he actually trusted you?”

Her hand tightened in her pocket and she grabbed her thigh to stay calm.

_ Do not make a scene in public, Jyn. You’re almost finished with this. _

“I nearly died trying to get that ledger -”

“We all put our lives at risk every day, Jyn. That’s not a reason. And as I recall, it was Cassian Andor’s team who retrieved the ledger for you -”

“Do not bring Cassian’s name into this,” she hissed. “This has nothing to do with him.”

Saw coughed, popping another pill, before sitting back and looking out at the Houses of Parliament. “Your actions in Morocco and Vienna have compromised you. I need you to go back and verify this ledger.”

Jyn wheeled on him, her eyes wild. “You can’t do -”

“You work for me! You will do as I say!”

Her hand was a vice grip on her thigh.

_ Do not make a scene. _

She could feel her hopes of this ordeal being over slipping through her fingers like the sand in an hourglass. 

Her lips tightened and she fought to get her face under control. This couldn’t be happening. “No.”

She took a shaky breath in before continuing. “My orders were to bring you information about the Empire. I have -”

“Your orders were to infiltrate the Empire and bring them down. You haven’t done that. Now, go back.”

Another shake of her head. “I can’t do that. I’ve betrayed Krennic too many times.”

There was a brief pause between them, interrupted only by the sound of the pedestrians on the Embankment. 

“You did what you had to do to protect your cover.”

Jyn narrowed her eyes and leaned in, hissing, “He was going to torture and kill an American agent -”

“You should have let him. You could have won Krennic’s trust that -”

“He is my ally!”

“Lies! Deceptions! Everywhere, there are lies and deceptions!” he roared.

A group of pedestrians turned to look at them at the sound of Saw’s voice. Jyn forced herself to remain still. She would not make a scene. 

She shut her eyes tight. “You sent me to do a job. Please. Bring me in.”

His eyes were hard and unmoving as he broke into another coughing fit, his handkerchief stained red with blood.

There wouldn’t be any help from this quarter. 

Her hand reached out to grab the drive from on top of the newspaper, before she stood up and vanished into the crowds of London.

  
  
  


\---

  
  


 

Jyn pulled her coat tight around her, clutching the drive as she walked down the cemetery path, ravens crowing above her head in the darkening sky. 

A dark car pulled to a stop in front of her and she forced herself to keep walking towards it. 

Krennic, in his eternally spotless white suit and his face hungry, walked out of the car, his hand held out expectantly. 

She kept her hand tucked in her coat pocket, handing it over to him, her standard smile on his face.

_ Not a single movement out of place. Let him see what he wanted to see.  _

She couldn’t afford to slip up another time. 

His bodyguard narrowed his eyes at her, before reaching a hand out.

She raised a single eyebrow at him.

His hand still remained outstretched. 

Jyn took a deep breath in, pulling her gun out of the pocket of his coat, watching it disappear into his own pocket.

“All is forgiven, dearest,” Krennic said, coming close to her, running a finger along her jaw.

A shiver went down her spine and she forced herself to give a bright grin, feeling the muscles tense in her jaw. 

In her mind’s eye, she could see brown eyes and a jaw sharp enough to cut diamond. 

She shoved it out of her mind. There was no time or space for that. 

“It’s not a ledger, is it?” she asked. 

Behind Krennic, one of his men had plugged the drive into a computer and was looking through it. Please God, this would be enough and she could leave it all behind.

He let out a little laugh. “You didn’t look?”

Deep breath in.

“Of course I did. I’m not stupid. But the file was encrypted.”

Krennic leaned in close again, giving her a look laden with meaning. “And do you really think that I would lie to you, Jyn?”

_ The turbines and the water from Morocco and the terror when he still wouldn’t resurface and the burn of air in her lungs as she dived in. _

“So that I would lie to Andor.”

“He would never have stolen it if he knew what it was. And you wouldn’t have helped him do it,” he said, his face alight with the pleasure of playing this game.

He turned to start walking down the shady allee of trees, Jyn following alongside him.

“I’ll be honest when you start being honest with me, Jyn. And I’m fully aware of why you come back.”

She cocked her head, being deliberately obtuse. Let him try and figure her out. 

A breeze stirred along the allee and Jyn resisted the urge to pull her coat tighter around her. 

“And why is that?”

“You’re still here because I believe in your potential. But I’m getting impatient. Why do you resist so much?”

Jyn shrugged. “Probably because you’re a terrorist,” she shot back. 

“Terrorists spread fear. My goals are more surgical.”

Jyn looked straight at him, stopping in her steps. “You kill innocent people.”

Krennic turned to look at her. “I kill to bring about change.”

“I think Cassian Andor would beg to disagree.”

Behind Krennic, she could see his men talking amongst themselves, one of them holding the drive in her hand. She forced her eyes to Krennic’s, maintaining her slight smile, even as the muscles in her jaw protested.

“Cassian Andor is a gambler. One day his luck will run out. And thousands of people will pay the price.”

Footsteps crunched behind her. 

“Nothing here,” his man said.

She stiffened.

What? She’d checked it when she’d first stolen it. There had been thousands of encrypted files on that drive.

Was this to be another test?

Krennic’s face started to twitch and he reached a hand up towards her.

Jyn fought the urge to run, to fight back, to get away, to do anything but stand there and let him hold her face in his hand none too gently. 

“I’m interested to see who you blame this time for what happens next.”

She pulled back.

She needed to go. 

  
  
  


\--

  
  
  


Jyn’s heels clicked on the floor of Kings Cross station as she made her way through the teeming crowds of humanity, her path clear in front of her. 

She had to do this. She was so close. 

Wait.

In front of her.

What was he doing here?

Cassian.

She stopped in her paths, letting the crowd move around them, staring straight at him.

Turn to look behind her. 

Shit.

His tall shadow was waving at her. 

Turn to look to her right. 

Another spook.

This one, with red hair, leaning against a wall.

Turn to look at her left.

Yet another one.

A short woman stood at a telephone box, the phone pressed to her ear as she waved cheerily to Jyn.

Her eyes moved back to Cassian’s, as he cocked his head towards one of the little cafe tables. 

She painted a smile on her face and followed him as he moved, ignoring the chatter of the team behind her. Let them say what they wanted.

“You know, you sure can ride,” he said, a slight smirk on his face, holding himself a little stiffly in the chair.

Jyn let a small smile slip onto her face in response, a gentle reminder that said ride had involved him nearly killing himself because he refused to hit her. 

A slight flicker of shame washed over her. 

She tightened her lips. “Cassian -”

He shook his head. “It’s alright. You were just doing your job.”

“You’d understand that.”

“Your handler, Saw. Did he bring you in?” There was something in his face. Compassion?

No. That sort of business got you killed. What was he playing at?

She gave a tiny shake of her head. “You knew that the drive was blank, Cassian.”

Something crossed his face again and he cocked his head imperceptibly. His team on the comms, undoubtedly. 

“Was it in your possession the entire time?”

Jyn cast her gaze to the chipped formica table and she saw the whole thing play out behind her eyes. 

Her, standing over Saw on the Embankment. 

The drive resting on the newspaper in his lap.

Oh God. No. She’d thrown it onto Saw’s newspaper. 

Why had he wiped the drive? She had been so close to bringing down the entire Empire.  

Jyn closed her eyes tightly and let out a breath, trying to fight back her tears, before turning back to Cassian. “They don’t care if you live or die. Cassian. You knew I was going to bring it to him.”

His face was an open book of compassion and pity, almost. “I hoped that you would. I hoped it would be enough to bring you in.”

Another tiny cock of his head and his jaw tightened. “Who are you working for, now, Jyn?”

She leaned forward. “Krennic, Saw, your government, my government, they’re all the same. We only think we’re fighting for the right side because that’s what we choose to believe.”

“Where does that leave us?”

Jyn planted her hands flat on the table. “Look, Cassian. As far as I can see, there are three choices. One, you hand me over to your bosses, and I am living proof that the Empire exists and it becomes their problem. But you know that no one is going to believe you. And instead, we’ll all be executed for treason. And Krennic goes free.”

Cassian didn’t move, just sat there completely still. She leaned forward further, trying to reach out to him. 

“Two, you let me walk away and use the drive to trap Krennic,” she said, cocking her head. “But, you’re a gambler at heart, Cassian. And at some point, you’re going to wind up handing Krennic the drive anyway.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, before licking his lips. “And the third option?”

“Come away with me. Right now. We can go anywhere we want.”

His eyes softened a moment and his hand on the table moved towards hers slightly. “What about the Empire?”

“Forget the Empire! There will always be another one and there will always be someone like us to fight it. But we’ve done our part and they’ve cast us aside for it. Leave it behind, Cassian. Come with me, Cassian.”

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, drawing his hand back and tucking both into his pockets. “Krennic sent you to deliver a message.”

Jyn nodded. “I was sent to deliver a message, but I’m not going to hand it over. I’ve no idea what he’s got planned and I want no part of it, Cassian.”

The noise of the train terminal rushed around them. 

“So, Jyn, what do you want?”   


“I want to go home.”

There was another pause between them, and she could see something in his posture soften and his team start to relax before Cassian suddenly twisted in his seat, exploding into action.

“Leia, stay with her!” he yelled at his team, before running in the direction that his tall shadow had been standing.

Jyn wheeled her head around. 

The Empire had tailed her this whole time.

She could see the girl bearing down on her through the crowd and she tensed for a moment, before disappearing into the crowd, head down and weaving through the throngs of human traffic.

Oh God.

What had just happened?

Jyn’s hand flexed and clenched in her pocket.

She had just wanted to go home. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you mere, the evil has been defeated. 
> 
> I'm not touching any more short AU fics for a while until the longfics can be tackled.


End file.
